Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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