They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
