I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
