dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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