Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
