i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
