The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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