Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
