He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize