So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize