on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
