weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
