we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
