Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
