Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
