You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
