Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
