I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
