Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
