she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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