last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
