...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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