I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
