it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
