well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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