I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
