The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
