i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
