so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
