About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
