I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
