Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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