John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
