They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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