If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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