Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
