2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
