I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
this hospital has no fireball
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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