Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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