What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
