ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
