He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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