i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
