So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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