In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
