you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
