My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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