What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
