DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
