bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
