Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
