DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
