FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
