I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
