Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
