I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
