He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
