Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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