the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
