I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize