We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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