you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
