She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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