is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
