If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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