By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
