Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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