She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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